Not that anyone was missing me, but I am FINALLY back to blogging! I did not realize what a toll my job would have on me in the spring time. Let me explain...
I work part-time as a high school guidance counselor in a brand new school. New schools = chaos. I never dreamed there would be this much chaos when I accepted the position this past August.
I don't want to work. Everyone knows it, so I finally decided to say it out loud. I love counseling, and I don't want to end my career completely forever. And the school I work at is awesome, mostly because of the people there. But right now, I don't want to work. I want to stay home and have more babies. Stupid economy. Stupid job my husband doesn't like and doesn't get paid enough to do. Blah.
So, because I am only a part time employee, I have no rights to keep my job. My job is going full-time, so I don't want it anyway. That's the last thing I want is to work full-time. But, I get to apply for it if no one else who works full-time in the district wants it. I "get" to apply for all the guidance counselor positions open in the district. So, instead of staying at home, I get to update my resume and start all over in the process of finding a new part-time job, keeping my old one and going full-time, or finding a new full-time job (there aren't a lot of part-time options out there).
I should feel privileged. I should feel grateful that I am employable. But, for some reason, I just can't seem to shake my unquenchable thirst to raise my babies full-time and show them everything I possibly can while I am on this Earth. I have so many reasons for staying at home. But only one reason to stay at work. Money. I hate that word. I could go without it. I would live in a van down by the river if I had to (a little exaggeration, I know, but I can't resist a Chris Farley quote). But I love my family more than anything, and I know that it would seriously stress out my husband. I don't want to do that to him.
All this worrying is giving me nothing but a stomachache. What I am really missing is patience. Such an evil little word, isn't it? My head tells me that God has taken care of me in the past, so He will do the same for my future. My heart tells me, "I have to know NOW what is going to happen next year!!!"
