Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What Breaks My Heart?

Don't you ever feel like you need to do something? I'm not talking about the times when the baby is taking a nap, and you are relaxing, thinking, "I should really wash the dishes and scrub the toilet." No, I'm talking about doing something. Something big. Radical. Don't you wish sometimes that you could make a difference in this word that affects tons of people for good?

I do. I want to serve. No. I need to serve. Every fiber in my being is aching to do something, to be a part of something big. I find it so difficult to accomplish this on my own. I have Short Stack's schedule, my dear hubby's agenda, and just "stuff" that needs to get done. If I focus on the hassle of the day, I will never be able to achieve any more than that hassle.

I want to do something that the rest of the world thinks is crazy. I guess I kind of did that with quitting my good paying job to stay at home with Short Stack. But I don't think that's so crazy.

I have so many ideas and thoughts that pop into my head that I can do to serve others. I am like a horse that has yet to be broken. Wild horses have all this power and talent, yet all they can do is run and kick and buck and destroy the corral. When the horse is broken, the horse can channel that power into something useful and with purpose. I have all this power and talent, but I'm running and kicking everywhere because I have not been broken.

The band, Switchfoot, has a song called "Yet." In it, they say, "if it doesn't break your heart it's not enough. It's when you're breaking down with your insides coming out, that's when you find out what your heart is made of."

What breaks my heart? I have so many things, I feel like I have too much compassion sometimes. But if I can find that one thing that stands out above the rest, maybe, just maybe I can channel my talents into something useful and with purpose that can truly change a part of this world.

Maybe I will think more about this as I am doing the dishes and scrubbing the toilet. :-)

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